When we grow, we grow complicated.

These kids will one day be in for a shock.

Just a thought I had yesterday.

It didn’t use to be like this before.

Maybe I was fortunate, but I had very pleasant classmates from primary school all the way till JC. Maybe I was nice, maybe I was fierce, I was never bullied and neither did I bully. But I had great friends. Classmates = friends and they all still are even today.

But now in Lasalle at college/uni level, classmates may not always = friends.

Or it could be a case where previously friends and then no more.

It happened with me last year in my first class.

It happened with at least 2 other classmates in my current class.

I don’t get it. If we are friends, friends stick till the end, we help one another out. We listen to explanations, we accept differences, weaknesses and even mistakes. HECK, school IS where you MAKE mistakes to learn from, to grow.

But no. Some people just derive a sick pleasure from breaking friendships I guess. The one who makes mistakes, the one who refuses to forgive. The line is blurred and there’s no right or wrong but no one compromises and the friendship is broken.

Then again, maybe as we grow older, we lose our innocence, we become hard and cynical, more demanding (“she/he should know better!”) and ultimately less forgiving. I speak for myself.

If injustice has been done to me, I promise I will try to forgive (at the least spend my life trying). That is what the bible teaches. But why some people will intentionally stir shit and exact injustice/betrayal/anything despicable to friends is just beyond me, unfathomable. To me, you never know what are on the minds of these people. ‘Cause they’re crazy and even they don’t know what they will do next, or even maybe why they do what they do.

Which leads to what I mentioned previously that as we grow older, the more guarded and cautious we become. We don’t trust the “newer” people we meet and we are less forgiving we are towards them precisely because we don’t have the trust in them that takes time to build.

Super ironic but true. Which makes me remember that as children we use to think that there were answers for everything. But it’s only when we grow up we realize we were grossly mis-informed. There is no right formula in relationships. There is no one perfect relationship guru who will or perfect guide book which will teach you how to right all wrongs. No such thing.

As a Christian, I have the privilege of a loving Father who gives me wisdom and love to conquer issues. And I have very thankful for that. But one needs courage even to forgive and forget. One needs to live it, to experience it, to face up to it eventually.

Which leads me to the last point being: I strongly believe it pays to be kind. I know it sounds ludicrous, insane and stupid. But forgive those who did wrong against you. Forget whatever hurt and pain they placed you through. HECK, THANK THEM for it.  God for placing them in your life to make you stronger, to teach you patience. BECOME a BETTER person and one day write a card to them saying “Thanks for the hurt, it made me stronger. I am more successful precisely because of what you did.”

WHY? When we forgive, we let go of the hurt and the pain that bugs US, not them.
And because sometimes we also have our loose-screws moments and we become the people that needs forgiveness. When in that place, we need God’s favour and men’s to be forgiven.

This is by no means is an excuse for you to be an ingrate and go around hurting people just ‘cus it’s gonna make people stronger. But I hope that if you have been hurt, you can take heart with what I just shared.

To end off, I just want to share a very real and true story. My friend, Shan Mei’s friend, nicknamed “Cel” passed away yesterday because of a hit and run incident. She was also a student in Lasalle. She lived and breathed in the very school I attend. She was born in 1987. (Which make Facebook very incredible you can know so much about a person.) My friend posted the update on Facebook and her friends expressed disbelief. Life IS vulnerable. I could have been the one (considering if the incident was near school, I’m not sure if it was).

If we see things in this perspective, is it worth it to hold on to grudges and make living a pain? Isn’t it better to let it go, live freely and embrace the world without cares?

And of course, treasure the friends from childhood, they are the ones who will trust you and whom you can trust implicitly.


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